You don’t Have to Be Strong Every Day
Have you ever felt the cold sting of betrayal, a loud pause after a conversation that got too intense?
The reaction your body makes after years of self-betrayal or betrayals from others sets in and sinks in your chest like a thousand-pound weight.
More often than we may like to admit, we become desensitized to it all.
Our time here is so short, and as long as I can remember, life has not always been kind.
Yet I still find a reason to smile.
Hell, I spent years sabotaging, blaming myself, and pushing away the ones I love out of fear. Who am I to fill your ears or eyes with words?
Truth is, I am just a woman underneath all this trauma, and writing has been the only way for me to truly get it out.
Rough outlines of manuscript drafts, stained flannel from this morning's coffee, food, and crumbs, and the most beautiful sounds in the world echoing from the other room.
Moments become obsolete when we feel like we are not worthy of them.
YOUR BODY IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING:
REST
LAUGH
LIE DOWN!
TAKE THE FIRST STEP
HEAL
FORGIVE
Anything your body just needs you to listen…
The list could, of course, go on and on, but the truth is everyone is dealing with little battles, so I made it a point to limit social media to business only, clean up my friends, family, and strangers list to embody what I already know and have denied myself for years: CONNECTIONS, HONEST, GENUINE, AND REAL CONNECTIONS.
Blue Kyanite is great for helping with communication around unspoken trauma add in some Red Jasper to ground great if your struggle with hyper-tenision
Your energy is your currency
I recently launched memberships on Facebook and here on my website
I am sure if you made it this far into the blog post this week, you're feeling the weight of the outside world, and maybe you're dealing with little battles yourself. Either way, grab your coffee, drink, or favorite snack. I am happy you are here with me in this oasis we call WONDERMENT.
I was exhausted by the banter and distractions that social media can have, and, to be honest, Substack left a bad taste in my mouth.
Clearing out things may make room for more energy to flow, but what is the vessel feeling like, AKA YOUR BODY
Grateful to know things always have a way of working themselves out when it comes to external influences, and what makes sense in this moment is reconnecting with our bodies and learning to trust the sensations, the grace of slowing down, and merging our bodies back into synchronicity with the earth, and letting the seasons be our guide. Many animals have been making their presence known as guides, signposts, and reminders along our path of the work we have done, are doing, and have yet to embrace.
Strength doesn’t mean never needing rest
The pressure we put on ourselves as those who have survived trauma and abuse can take its toll, and the hyper-independence can leave us missing out on aspects of our lives that could be beautiful. Never feel guilty for having to set boundaries, especially when it comes to your mental, emotional, or spiritual wellness. There comes a time in any relationship or situation when you must accept and, most importantly, forgive. I was reminded of that this week when I reached out for support on an important project I have been working towards completing. It's not that they don’t want to help you; it's just that they lost control of having a presence in your life without the actual effort.
Sometimes we just need support and a little extra compassion. This requires survivors to look at their own wounds when it comes to asking for support, and one way is to look into different modalities, supportive resources, and therapies aligned with the trauma one has faced. For a long time, I felt like a burden as someone who was shamed into not being able to speak or tell their stories, and if you are like most survivors, you would prefer to respond with “I am ok.” Recently, I found a therapist to help me unpack sexual abuse trauma from one of my abusers.
There is nothing wrong with seeking support, and I knew that beginning to write the third installment of my memoir series would bring up alot of memories. Knowing, through my education and training, that a memory is attached to an emotion helped me begin to recognize when a memory would come up, and instantly, my mood or body would react. First anxiety, sweating, and heart palpitations. Once I started recognizing the triggers and their source, I would then start to reframe the thought or emotion into a positive one by realigning with the most important thing:
“IT'S NOT HAPPENING, IT ALREADY HAPPENED.”
Pulling back from feeling like you need to perform is a sure telltale sign that things are beginning to shift for you, and maybe you're feeling that now, or you found this and recognize the importance of making that commitment. I recently rebranded. After years of sabotage and performing for the masses, I reclaimed my power and decided to focus more on writing, sharing when it feels aligned, and producing content that supports my viewers, listeners, or readers.
My greatest hope for those reading this is that you learn the importance of honoring your body and listening to when it’s time to rest.
Remember, your body is not the enemy.
When I came out about my abuse during a project put on by our guidance counselors at school, it became clear that the self-harming trend was bic razor blade + trauma = disaster.
I remember the first time I attempted was after I got home from coming home about my abuse. (read or listen to the story) My friend was already doing it, and all I needed was the clear picture that my mother had sympathy for my abuser, not me.
I am not blaming her for my date with a razor blade, and the accountability was all my own, yet it seems that peer pressure mixed with trauma and abandonment does play a significant role in almost becoming a statistic. Healing from such trauma is not an overnight success, and neither are the years that follow. The thing that reminds me to stay grounded and patient is that I once felt I needed to be loud to be heard.
Now I have accepted that it's the quiet, the rest, and the reminder that, in order to be loved, I have to love myself.
Trust that wherever you are along your path in life, we were brought together for a reason.
Either for good, bad, or mere happenstance.
Either way, you are loved, heard, and seen.
Let these words sink into your marrow, and feel them charged with Reiki.
Let’s Anchor:
The Pause Anchor
Take a deep breath, lean into your heart space. What does your body want you to feel, notice, or experience?
If any pain or discomfort arises, bring your awareness back to your breath. Think of the words "rest" and "body," and feel any resistance; allow, embrace, and forgive. Allowing that energy to be released back into the world with love and the intention of restoration. Remember that rest is an opportunity to reconnect with your energy, not to punish or overwhelm you. Trust that this moment found you to remind you of your strength and capabilities to be here present in the moment, without feeling like you have to constantly be giving your energy away. Now come back to your heart space and breathe.
Cliff Note:
My body is filled with wounds
battled with scars intrusive
your love was part of the pain
So self-love is my refuge
Affirmation:
I am at peace and one with my body
Journaling prompt:
What would you give yourself permission to stop carrying today?
Grab your favorite journal and enjoy this week's messages
Elise
Ways you can support yourself and me xoxo
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The Seastar Sisterhood offers a growing library of healing resources created from my 8 years of training, lived experience, holistic healing practices, coaching knowledge, and continued education. Members receive monthly workshops, workbooks, guided meditations, Reiki-infused practices, spiritual teachings, reflection tools, community connection, and exclusive resources. The combined value of these offerings is over $500+ annually Save $50 on a yearly membership and get entered into giveaways
